Facebook: To Friend or Not to Friend?
Someone on Facebook wants to be “friends.” Is it wise to accept?
Apr 21, 2009 Christopher Minster
Many people don't know what to do: to accept or not? Often the request is welcome, but occasionally it’s not. What should someone do when the request is from...
- someone they have not heard of
- someone they once knew, but forgot about long ago
- someone they don’t really like?
Deciding whether or not to accept can be a tough decision!
Non-Acceptance and De-Friending
One thing is certain: it’s easier to “ignore” or fail to accept a friend invitation than it is to “de-friend” someone later. If asked about an “ignore,” it’s easy to say “I only use Facebook for work (or not for work).
Please just email me if you need to reach me.” This will usually suffice. De-friending, however, leads to hurt feelings: the former “friend” is bound to wonder why he or she was removed from the list.
Pros and Cons
It’s good to have Facebook Friends. They add funny comments to your status, they tip you off to fun applications, they join your mafia mobs on the countless time-wasting games...what’s not to like?
That’s all true. But “friends” who don’t have much in common can turn into clutter in one another’s status updates. A religious fundamentalist house painter and an openly gay marketer may have gone to summer camp together fifteen years ago, but does that mean they have to be friends now?
They won’t have much to chat about, may become offended by one another’s political or religious views, and it’s unlikely they’ll enjoy looking at one another’s photos. Maybe it’s best to leave the Summer of 1993 as a happy memory...
...but then again, maybe not. Diversity is a great thing, and two people who have differing views but open minds may have a lot to share. The trick is trying to guess before clicking “Accept Friend Invitation.”
Define the Relationship
Before deciding on an invitation, it’s best to define the relationship. Here are some sample questions:
- Would I invite this person to dinner if they lived nearby?
- Do I have a lot of happy memories with this person?
- Would I lend this person $100?
- Do I want this person looking at my personal information?
If the answer is no to all of these questions, it might be best to pass on the invite.
Also, speaking of relationships, here are some to avoid:
Teacher-Student: In some states, high school teachers are forbidden to “friend” students or even to have facebook accounts. This is because of a couple of unfortunate high-profile incidents in which child predators used social-networking sites. Anyone in the field of education should check with his or her supervisor before “friending” any students.
Co-Workers: Sure, it’s fun to be friends with co-workers. Friendly colleagues can make fun of the boss, make plans to go out, write snarky comments about other co-workers...what’s not to like? But things get complicated if one person leaves the job or gets promoted. Does anyone want the boss to see their embarrassing photos from a Halloween party?
Exes: Anyone who “friends” a bunch of ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends is playing with fire. Remember, current flames have a lot of access to other conversations. Even an appropriate relationship with an “ex” can cause uncomfortable questions.
Remember, being friends is great, but so is having a manageable contacts list of people you really care about and want to keep in touch with. When unsure about someone, it's easier to ignore their request than de-friend them later!
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